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Posts Tagged ‘anger’

Response to Anger

Sometimes, life presents moments that will leave a deep impression on us.

For me, one of those moments happened on the day I was consumed by anger and resentment with the unfairness of life.

I was walking from the Bay at Queen towards my office, going through the Queen subway station. As I entered the subway station, I heard violin music.

An old gentleman was playing his violin in the middle of the tunnel.

I fished for some loose change in my pocket, and drop it in his violin case, and went on, still consumed with my angry thoughts and resentment.

But his music became more spirited, and it stopped me in my tracks.

Something stirred in me.

I don’t know what made me take my wallet out, and fished for a note.

I walked back to him, and gave him the money.

The smile across his face… the way his eyes light up… that moment reached deep into me and pulled the humanity out of me.

And as I walked away, his music came back on, and it was very lively. And I turned back to look at him, and he was waving at me, and pointing to his violin. He was playing that music for me.

I walked away, appeased, and more at peace.

Connectedness with another, loving kindness for another being… that is the antidote to the sadness, anger, and resentment at the unfairness life sometimes throw at you.

Life can be a bitch sometimes. But we don’t have to succumb to it.

We will get out of life what we decide to put into it.

So, dear life, give me all you got. Because I will give you all I have too.

Till the next time I muse.

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Today is one of those days when I woke up, and I know that it is not going to be a good day. I woke up feeling angry, and resentful.

And everything just feels wrong, and negative.

Maybe completely overscheduling myself for the past month is finally catching up on me, and the overscheduling is finally taking a toll on my sanity.

I knew the over-busyness will come back and bite me, but how else am I going to not dwell on Wayne’s thyroid cancer diagnosis?

The past 2 months have been rough… Wayne dropped the health scare bomb on me on August 9th… I can still remember that night, as we were driving home from a kids’ birthday party, when he said he is going to see an ENT specialist on August 12th, and he thinks I should be there. I remember my reaction clearly… “Wayne, is there something about your health that you should be telling me?”

Turned out that they found a growth in his thyroid, and they are not sure what it was. That was the start of our journey in the world of thyroid cancer.

Since then, he has done his biopsy, and it has come back positive.

The thyroid surgery date has been scheduled. It will be on October 23rd. And the prognosis is good. He should be fine after the thyroid is removed, and all he has to do is take a thyroid pill every day for the rest of his life.

Even though the prognosis is good, it really still sucks. And it sucks big time. Part of me is angry… Angry that this should happen to Wayne, who despite his manly insensitivities to a woman’s emotional world, is a wonderful father, and as good a husband as he is capable of.

Why him? He has always been a healthy guy with healthy living habits… So, why him?

Bad luck. That is all the explanation that was offered. Really???

One off… Again… really? How is it that we have so many one offs? Apparently, it’s a common cancer.

Even though thyroid cancer is “the best cancer” to have in the world of cancer… it still makes me angry. It still pisses me off. Why brush it off and say it is the “best cancer” to have? What kind of a consolation is that really?????

So, yes… I am angry. I am pissed.

And I am not going to feel bad about wanting to feel angry and resentful.

I know this too shall pass… but for this one day, I am going to give in to this consuming and seething emotion in me.

Till the next time I muse.

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