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Archive for August, 2014

Wow…. the things I can dig up… the musings of my past self… 7 years have passed, and I definitely am still the same girl I was, and always will be… =)

A letter to a Singaporean soul mate, who has the same birthday as me, and we both love the song, Mirage, intensely!

Till the next time I muse.

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Thanks for the wishes… I was on vacation from December 22 till today… It has been a great, relaxing 10 days… Makes me want to get out of working even more now… =)

Don’t worry about delays in replies… I enjoy writing to you, because I write to you when I want to… not because I am expected to, or feel obligated to… And I want you to feel the same way too… It is comforting for me to know that somewhere in this world (actually back in my own motherland), there is someone who might actually appreciate and understand some of the things that my inner world goes through…

The last 3 months of 2006 was not easy for me, as I was struggling with reconciling my spiritual and material life… Not sure if I ever told you this, but I was very much brought up in a Christian environment… It was not my family religion… It was by chance… or rather by fate, that I stumble across Christianity at a very tender age… I think it was the Brownies organization… I was only in Primary Two then… But since then, I have always followed the Christian religion…

Anyway, the point that I am bringing this up is that over the last year, I started reading other philosophies, and came to discover Wicca… and somehow much of what the Wicca philosophy talks about struck the chords of my heart… Just last week, I articulated to Wayne that all my life, I have been living in a very structured world…

As a Christian, I have guidelines, and order and structure in my life… But now, when I start venturing out of the Christian comfort zone, I suddenly find myself on uncertain ground, in an unknown world, with no familiar stuff to hold on to… And that totally threw me out of whack! No wonder I was experiencing some major life upheaval… Boy, did I struggle… And there is no turning back to go back to the safe comfort zone… because it will never be the same again… You know what I mean?

I come to realize that all these musings and contemplations are part of my life’s purpose… And no matter how many times I go through phases like that, I should expect to have another one down the road… Sometimes, it’s so tiring… Coz inner struggles like that takes so much energy out of me… But I have learnt, and am still learning to be patient and kind to myself… To not beat myself up too much… (I tend to do that a lot actually! Always chiding myself for being so weak, for always being so emotional… )

Speaking of being emotional… I sometimes get so angry and frustrated with this world/society for conforming us to think that being emotional is not good… Point in case, 2 days ago, I was watching Pelletier and Sale in their 2002 Winter Olympics figure skating winning program… They were skating to the music “Love Story”, and it was just so beautiful! A work of art… So, I had tears in my eyes… and Wayne was baffled… wondering why I am so emotional…

I’ve always told Wayne that it’s only this society that makes us think that being emotional is not good… What a load of bull… I’d much rather be emotional, and be able to experience things in their full intensity, than to be a mellow, unfeeling, conforming person… But I also know that because I made this choice, I am very much not going with the flow… So, I should expect some struggles there…

But guess what… because I know that this is a choice I made, it actually made not going with the flow easier… it actually made the times that I am struggling with my emotions much easier, because I know I am choosing to live my life emotionally consciously, by my own choice… =)

Well, I am still a very young grasshopper… with a long way to go… I know I will fall, and fall again… But I also know that I will always pick myself up again, and again, and continue my journey… knowing that with each fall, and rise, I get wiser, and stronger…

Okay… so much for New Year reflections eh… =) I talk too much sometimes… =) I hope you had a great New Year… I am looking forward to getting on with 2007, as I have a feeling that it is going to be one hell of ride again… =)

Talk to you soon.

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