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Archive for January, 2012

We are coming close to the one year mark where Ethan was fighting for his life in Sick Kids’ Hospital. Almost a year has passed, but the memories of the 6 weeks, from the time he fell sick to the time he finally was well enough to celebrate his 1st birthday, will forever be firmly carved in me.

As I was taking a trip down memory lane, I found a post I wrote which completely broke my heart again… Tears just streamed down when I read the post, and recall the agony of watching Ethan fight for his life.

Then along came another post of hope, of love, of gratitude, and of the promise I made to cherish my brave boy. 

This post is dedicated to the preservation of those memories.

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Mar 6th, 2011, 12:23 am
 
To all who love Ethan… Thanks…

As of today, Ethan is back into the ICU… His airway is so swollen that the doctors had to put in a smaller tube than they would have for a baby his age…

Ethan had been struggling to breathe… the very mechanism required to live… And we, as his parents, stood by and watch helplessly… When we call upon for help, we were brushed aside callously for more than half a day… I was made to feel like I was kicking up a big fuss… So much for the best children’s hospital eh…

Mere words will not be able to describe the horror and the torment of standing by helplessly, watching my only son struggling, with his eyes open wide, staring crazedly and wildly… begging for us to help him, to rescue him… It was like watching him drown…

The only comfort that I have now is that Ethan is heavily sedated and is given morphine… I can only hope that it means that he is no longer in any sort of pain or suffering…

Just the thought that I have brought this child into this world only to watch and let him suffer is enough to kill me…

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Mar 18, 2011, 9:44 am

To all who prayed and rooted for Ethan… a million thanks from a very grateful mom.

Since coming home on Tuesday, Ethan has been improving slowly, but surely. He is still a little weak, but starting to crawl more, and definitely smiling a lot more without us having to coddle him.

We had 2 really rough nights (Tuesday and Wednesday) where he was screaming most of the night with his very hoarse voice, but as of last night, he had improved and calmed down so much that he was able to sleep through the night without us having to hold him from 12:30 am to 7 am… Funny enough, I wasn’t able to sleep even though he slept, as I was anticipating having to go through another sleepless night.

He is still fighting the Staph chest infection, but to quote his paediatrician… “Wow… he sure was one sick puppy… Very unlucky to have been so sick, but very lucky to be still alive!” He has seen kids who died from Staph pneumonia, and Influenza B.

Ethan is such a brave, brave boy! No words can describe the gratitude we have that he was spared from the worst outcome. And no words can describe the pride I have in him for fighting such a strong fight with the nasty viruses and bacteria.

Kids truly are very precious. In the past 11 months, I think I have taken Ethan’s good health for granted, and was a little careless at times, thereby exposing him to kids who were sick. The past 3 weeks have been a very, very hard lesson for me and hubby, but it is a lesson we have learnt hard and well… And to see a couple of parents lose their kids while we were in ICU was horrifying, and eye-opening as to how quickly kids can be taken away from us by forces we have absolutely no control over.

We will now cherish even more this little precious and courageous gem that we have been blessed to nurture and to parent.

Perhaps, the past 3 weeks have been a blessing in disguise… It has definitely shown me how strong my relationship with hubby really is, how important my family is, and most importantly, how lucky we are to have Ethan in our lives.

Thanks for reading my long post. Just wanted to share my thoughts with everyone, and to thank everyone for continually rooting for my little trooper.

Thanks so much, everyone.

Sincerely,
Denise

 

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Writing from the Heart

I was having lunch at the Elmwood Spa on Thursday, leafing through the More magazine when an interview with Michael Buble caught my interest.

I’ve heard his name many times, but have never felt the urge to check out his music, so it’s interesting that I would stop short, and actually gave the interview my attention.

It’s his answer to the question “Why do you write from the heart?” that had called to my subconscious. 😉

“Every song I’ve written is because of something I’ve gone through – whether I’ve been in love or felt terrible, or I’ve hurt someone or someone has destroyed me. I can’t write unless I’m feeling something extreme. When you do that (writing from the heart), you allow people listening to your music to also become emotionally attached. You hit a chord somewhere – you make them feel something.”

And that connected me to him.

I have never met Michael, and likely never will. But the chord he has struck in my heart with his heartfelt answer will stay with me for a long time, and I will now make a point to check out his music. 🙂

Writing from the heart requires a lot of courage, and effort. It depletes the writer, as the writer pours his heart and soul into the endeavour to create something of beauty. And it exposes him to the critics of this world, some who may be very unkind.

For that bravery to bare all to the world, I salute all the writers out there, past, present and future.

Thank you all for your wonderful insights and revelations, and helping this little muser gain that much more understanding into the mysteries of the human psyche.

Till the next time I muse.

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